The Misanthrope's Guide to Life

In this guide, you'll learn how to get away from the pain-in-the-asses who make you seriously consider investing in a fallout shelter and making it your new home. You'll take isolated comfort in these survival strategies, including how to:

• Conduct managed incoherence to get the delivery boy from the lobby to your door
• Take a "French leave" in order to eat alone at work
• Get ousted from your kickball league by dressing as Magnum, P.I. for every game
• Get back at the jerk yapping on his cell phone by reciting the lyrics to Harry Chapin's version of "Cat's in the Cradle"
• End a conversation by "Gwynething" (also known as playing the "I'm delightfully foreign" act) someone to death

This is the survival guide you will be annoyed not to have.

Meghan Rowland, a group-therapy dropout, was the only girl in kindergarten with a John Larroquette lunchbox. Chris Turner-Neal, an only child, is a graduate of James B. Bonham Middle School, where he received an F in participation. Together, they write the award-winning comedy blog 2birds1blog.com, a collection of crass musings, investigative reporting, and sarcasm widely hailed as "the thinking man's Beavis and Butthead." Sharing an author bio is an uncomfortably intimate experience for both of them.